The Adventures of Juan

Juan was lazy, Juan was a fool, and his mother never tired of scolding

him and emphasizing her words by a beating. When Juan went to school

he made more noise at his study than anybody else, but his reading

was only gibberish.

His mother sent him to town to buy meat to eat with the boiled rice,

and he bought a live crab which he set down in the road and told to

go to his mother and be cooked for dinner. The crab promised, but as

soon as Juan's back was turned ran in the other direction.

Juan went home after a while and asked for the crab, but there was

none, and they ate their rice without ulam. [12] His mother then

went herself and left Juan to care for the baby. The baby cried and

Juan examined it to find the cause, and found the soft spot on its

head. "Aha! It has a boil. No wonder it cries!" And he stuck a knife

into the soft spot, and the baby stopped crying. When his mother came

back, Juan told her about the boil and that the baby was now asleep,

but the mother said it was dead, and she beat Juan again.

Then she told Juan that if he could do nothing else he could at least

cut firewood, so she gave him a bolo and sent him to the woods.

He found what looked to him like a good tree and prepared to cut it,

but the tree was a magic tree and said to Juan, "Do not cut me and I

will give you a goat that shakes silver money from its whiskers." Juan

agreed, and the bark of the tree opened and the goat came out, and

when Juan told him to shake his whiskers, money dropped out. Juan was

very glad, for at last he had something he would not be beaten for. On

his way home he met a friend, and told him of his good fortune. The

man made him dead drunk and substituted another goat which had not

the ability to shake money from its whiskers, and when the new goat

was tried at home poor Juan was beaten and scolded.

Back he went to the tree, which he threatened to cut down for lying

to him, but the tree said, "No, do not kill me and I will give you

a magic net which you may cast even on dry ground or into a tree-top

and it will return full of fish," and the tree did even so.

Again he met the friend, again he drank tuba [13] until he was dead

drunk, and again a worthless thing was substituted, and on reaching

home he was beaten and scolded.

Once more Juan went to the magic tree, and this time he received a

magic pot, always full of rice; and spoons always full of whatever

ulam might be wished, and these went the way of the other gifts,

to the false friend.

The fourth time he asked of the tree he was given a magic stick

that would without hands beat and kill anything that the owner

wished. "Only say to it 'Boombye, boomba,' and it will obey your word,"

said the tree.

When Juan met the false friend again, the false friend asked him what

gift he had this time. "It is only a stick that if I say, 'Boombye,

boomba,' will beat you to death," said Juan, and with that the stick

leaped from his hand and began to belabor the wicked man. "Lintic na

cahoy ito ay! [14] Stop it and I will give you everything I stole from

you." Juan ordered the stick to stop, but made the man, bruised and

sore, carry the net, the pot, and the spoons, and lead the goat to

Juan's home. There the goat shook silver from his beard till Juan's

three brothers and his mother had all they could carry, and they dined

from the pot and the magic spoons until they were full to their mouths.

"Now," said Juan, "you have beaten me and called me a fool all my life,

but you are not ashamed to take good things when I get them. I will

show you something else. Boombye, boomba!" and the stick began to

beat them all. Quickly they agreed that Juan was head of the house,

and he ordered the beating to stop.

Juan now became rich and respected, but he never trusted himself

far from his stick day or night. One night a hundred robbers came

to break into the house, to take all his goods, and kill him, but

he said to the stick, "Boombye, boomba!" and with the swiftness of

lightning the stick flew around, and all those struck fell dead till

there was not one left. Juan was never troubled again by robbers,

and in the end married a princess and lived happily ever after.

The Stories of Juan

Juan Gathers Guavas.

The guavas were ripe, and Juan's father sent him to gather enough

for the family and for the neighbors who came to visit them. Juan

went to the guava bushes and ate all that he could hold. Then he

began to look around for mischief. He soon found a wasp nest and

managed to get it into a tight basket. He gave it to his father

as soon as he reached home, and then closed the door and fastened

it. All the neighbors were inside waiting for the feast of guavas,

and as soon as the basket was opened they began to fight to get out

of the windows. After a while Juan opened the door and when he saw

his parents' swollen faces, he cried out, "What rich fine guavas

those must have been! They have made you both so very fat."

Juan Makes Gulay of his own Child.

After Juan was married about a year a baby was born, and he and

his wife loved it very much. But Juan was always obedient to his

wife, being a fool, and when she told him to make gulay or stew he

inquired of her of what he should make it. She replied of anac, 

meaning anac hang gabi. Then she went away for a while, and when

she returned Juan had the gulay ready. She asked for the baby and

was horrified to learn that Juan had made a stew of his own child,

having taken her words literally.

Juan Wins a Wager for the Governor.

Juan was well known for a brave man, though a fool, and the priest and

the governor wished to try him on a wager. The governor told him that

the priest was dead, and ordered him to watch the body in the church

that night. The priest lay down on the bier before the altar, and

after Juan came the priest arose. Juan pushed him down again and ran

out of the church and secured a club. Returning, he said to the priest,

"You are dead; try to get up again and I will break you to pieces." So

Juan proved himself to be a brave man, and the governor won his wager.

Juan Hides the Salt.

Juan's father came into possession of a sack of salt, which used to

be very precious and an expensive commodity. He wished it hidden in a

secure place and so told Juan to hide it till they should need it. Juan

went out and after hunting for a long time hid it in a carabao wallow,

and of course when they went to fetch it again nothing was left but

the sack.

The Man in the Shroud.

Juan, being a joker, once thought to have a little fun at others'

expense, so he robed himself in a shroud, placed a bier by the

roadside, set candles around it, and lay down so that all who went by

should see him and be frightened. A band of robbers went by that way,

and seeing the corpse, besought it to give them luck. As it happened,

they were more than usually fortunate, and when they returned they

began to make offerings to him to secure continuance of their good

fortune. As the entire proceeds of their adventures were held in

common, they soon began to quarrel over the offerings to be made. The

captain became angry, and drew his sword with a threat to run the

corpse through for causing so much dissension among his men.

This frightened the sham dead man to such a degree that he jumped up

and ran away, and the robbers, who were even more frightened than he,

ran the other way, leaving all their plunder.

Juan then returned and gathered all the money and valuables left

behind by the robbers, and carried them home. Now he had a friend

who was very curious to know how he came into possession of so much

wealth, and so Juan told him, only he said nothing about robbers,

but told his friend, whose name was Pedro, that the things were the

direct reward of God for his piety.

Pedro, being afraid of the woods, decided to lie just inside the church

door; besides, that being a more sacred place, he felt sure that God

would favor him even more than Juan. He arranged his bier with the

candles around him, and lay down to await the shower of money that

should reward his devotions. When the sacristan went to the church

to ring the bell for vespers, he saw the body lying there, and not

knowing of any corpse having been carried in, he was frightened

and ran to tell the padre. The padre, when he had seen the body,

said it was a miracle, and that it must be buried within the church,

for the sanctification of the edifice.

But Pedro, now thoroughly frightened, jumped off the bier and ran away,

and the priest and the sacristan ran the other way, so the poor man

never received the reward for his piety, and the church was deprived

of a new patron saint.